


Proper

by Koehler



Series: Full Length Hamilton x Reader Fics [8]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Accusations of Cheating, Crossdressing, Hamiltime, Woman in Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9108382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koehler/pseuds/Koehler
Summary: Y/N is not about to conform to society's standards for women.





	

The phrase _You need to learn to be a proper lady!_ rang in Y/N’s mind. The last thing she wanted to do was disappoint her mother, so she allowed herself to accept lessons from their neighbor, Mrs. Eliza Hamilton. Everyone knew that she would be the perfect teacher of etiquette, between her parental lineage and her shining personality. The presence of younger children in the household gave Y/N the opportunity to also learn how to be a mother, as if she wanted her life to be that simplistic.

Although this would be her fourth time that she made the small trek to the Hamiltons’ home, Y/N still felt the sinking feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want this kind of education! Her brain itched to learn, to piece things together, to make a difference. Something that women were unable to do. Men could do what they wished to do, while women were stuck sipping tea and pretending they incapable of speaking their minds. Y/N absolutely refused to accept that fate, no matter how she wound up escaping it. If that meant she had to pretend to enjoy sewing and learning to serve tea to make herself a new life, she would accept in a heartbeat.

As she approached the front door, she knew that today would be the first needlepoint lesson. As if she would ever need to use _that_ skill. Sighing, her shoulders slumped, she raised her hand to knock on the door. The door was opened after a minute by one Alexander Hamilton, bags under his eyes and ink staining his hands. His eyes looked at hers in confusion, slightly cloudy and unfocused. Slightly intimidated by one of the men she aspired to be, Y/N squared her shoulders. “Hello, Mister Hamilton. I am here to see your wife.”

Realization flooded his eyes as he nodded and explained that Eliza was currently in the sitting room. Y/N thanked him and set off in the direction indicated, walking in to find Eliza tending to one of the younger children that had gotten a scrape. The oldest son, Philip, stood in the corner, protectively watching over his little brother. As she entered, Philip’s eyes shot to her, wavering a moment before he forced his gaze back to his mother and sibling. There was a look in his eye that Y/N had never seen before.

As Eliza finished up comforting and bandaging the boy, she looked up at Y/N, a small smile gracing her lips as she met her eyes. “Hello, Y/N. Please, come in.” Philip sent her one last stare before following the child out of the room. Her attention was turned to the supplies set out on the table, but to her, they appeared to be torture devices. Her deep breath and look of reluctance did not go unnoticed by Eliza, whose curiosity was now peaked. She knew that Y/N was bright, not to mention the fact that she wanted more out of her life than a husband and children. She wanted to get herself a life beyond the tasks of a mother, yet she allowed herself to learn anyway. That took a special kind of person, a kind Eliza knew all too well.

Y/N bit back her political views as she attempted to focus on her needlepoint. It has been about an hour, and she found that all the thoughts and ideas couldn’t  be stopped from bubbling to the surface. She finally burst at the worst possible time. Alexander stormed into the room, clearly frustrated beyond words. His face was a red that Y/N had yet to see, but Eliza seemed unphased. “How could they be this impossibly stupid?” If he hadn’t had Y/N’s full attention before, he certainly had it now. Eliza just kindly looked at her husband, a sense of comforting and acceptance. _How did she do that?_ He was seemingly ignoring the young woman in the room, wrongly assuming that he had startled her and that she did not care for politics. “A national bank would give the union a financial improvement, and yet Jefferson and Madison refuse to listen due to their hatred! It is quite simply horrendously and preposterously juvenile and their petty argument, or lack thereof, is unworthy of my precious time.” His eyes ablaze with anger, he grunted in response to Eliza’s comment that he would do the same.

“Trade the capital!” Y/N couldn’t help it, the words flew out of her mouth. Her eyes widened, hands shooting up to cover her mouth. _Shit! Why did she say that?_ Eliza was looking at her curiously as if she was purely taking in the presence of the statement. Alexander’s gaze immediately snapped to her, looking similar to a deer caught in headlights. She could see the gears in his brain turning, processing her idea. His eyes turned to steel, hardening with thought. “Say that again.” Unsure whether he was offended or amused, Y/N stammered out a “Give the southerners the capital, and use the interaction to pass your debt plan through…” Alexander began nodding slowly, pacing the room and not paying any attention to anything in the room. He looked at Eliza, a questioning look that only they could process the meaning of. She gave a slight nod accompanied by a smile, prompting Alexander to turn to Y/N, who was currently frozen in the chair.

“Okay, now help me do that.”

~~~~~

Y/N raced to the front door of the Hamiltons’, used to the familiar routine for cabinet meeting preparations. Wig, costume, and most importantly, the ability to be heard in political matters. The secret was kept away from all except for Alexander, Eliza, and Y/N. None of the Hamilton children were allowed near the sewing room during Y/N’s lessons. As soon as she walked in the door, she was allowed to transform. Y/N walked into the small sewing area, and Alex walked out. Crossdressing as a politician was a _huge_ risk, but it was one that they had all agreed was worth it. Although Alexander was flattered by the choice of name, Y/N had been thinking about the name for a great amount of time before she was given the chance to be involved.

The children were told that Y/N would be doing difficult sewing and needlepoint techniques and that she and their mother must _never_ be disturbed during the long lessons. Some of Alexander’s old clothing fit Y/N perfectly, and a wig had been purchased to cover her short hair. Alex talked as little as possible but was cloaked in a deeper voice when he chose to do so. Usually, it was for the purpose of offering Alexander ideas or remedies to political problems. It worked out perfectly, Y/N could contribute to politics through Alex, and she got to do what she truly wanted to.

As soon as Y/N knocked on the door, she started bouncing on the balls of her feet, excited to head up to the sewing room and change with Eliza’s assistance. _What would happen today?_ She knew that she had impacted the national debt plan, although she had not been there when the deal was struck. Alexander refused to give details, but he thanked her for the idea and praised her political knowledge. She had attended several meetings under the guise of Alex, and she had never been happier. Her thoughts were shaken, however, when Philip opened the door.

He wore a slight scowl on his face as if he had known she was coming but was upset about it. “Miss Y/N” She gave a small curtsy, trying to be polite and not show the small amount of fear that formed when she heard the cold tone of his voice. “May I speak with you for a moment before your lesson?” She gave a small nod before she was quickly ushered in the door. Philip took her arm and promptly showed her to an empty room. He was careful to keep his grip light on her arm, but the presence alone was enough to indicate the severity of his action. It appeared to be a dining room, but the decor of the area was clearly not what the intention of the trip inside was.

He pulled out a chair and motioned for her to sit before he took his own seat next to her, their chairs facing each other. Philip began nervously rubbing his hands together, counteracting the gaze of fire that he was giving her. His voice shook a bit as he began, “Miss Y/N, I do not intend to accuse you nor offend you, but I must ask. I know that my father is a smart man, but I also know that he is nowhere near a perfect husband to my mother. I am by no means doubting your honesty, but it is my father that is my concern. I apologize in advance miss, but what do you do while you are in the sewing room?” To say that Y/N was shell shocked and furious would be a vast understatement.

_How dare he! He assumed she was sleeping with his father! What kind of ignorant, false, moronic bullshit was this?_ He must have seen the rage in her eyes because a slight underlying mixture of fear, guilt, and regret filled his face. Her jaw dropped, everything about her screaming that she was about to explode. “What the fuck? Why the hell do you think that I would do that? Use your brain, think for fucks sake! I SEW, DAMNIT!” Now was the time that Philip was lucky his siblings were outside. She was screaming loud enough that the words rang through his ears. _Shit. He had to fix this._ Grabbing and holding her flailing arms, Philip quieted her down by shoving his other hand over her mouth. Her eyes burned with a new level of fury, a level that Philip did not want to hear. His expression clearly showed panic, wishing that he hadn’t been so stupid. The only reason he had considered the option was because he had needed Eliza one day.

_He had knocked quietly on the closed door, hearing a lone pace of footsteps approaching the hall. His mother poked his head out, quietly asking what he needed. That was when the door opened just wide enough to see inside. Sitting on a chair was a corset. His eyes widened before he quickly asked his mother for help with his brother and hurried away from the sewing room._

“I-uh. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have-I’m sorry. I just-I saw a corset and I assumed.” Y/N’s eyes widened. _He had seen into the room. Shit. Had he figured it out?_ Philip blazed onward with his stammered apology, paying no attention to the apprehension in her eyes. “It’s just-He would be stupid not to see. I mean no disrespect, I just-I don’t know… You’re so beautiful and you have that fire in your eyes, you know? You never quit something, even if you want to. I can see it in you. Dammit, I need to stop talking, I’m gonna-”

“Philip, I think you need to learn what has been happening.” Alexander cut his son off from the doorway, his gaze soft and calming. Philip took a step back and nodded, eyes now downcast. Y/N looked at Hamilton questioningly, he gave her a small nod in return. Her hatred and anger slowly drained to make space for the anxiety that filled the void.

~~~~~

Philip had heard everything. The entire explanation of Y/N and Alex. Eliza and Alexander were looking at him curiously, waiting for any reaction. He was simply staring directly at Y/N, whose head was downcast. All was silent in the room, the political meeting forgotten. Luckily, it was not a meeting that Hamilton had needed to attend. It took a moment before he whispered “Why does she get to learn from you? You don’t even pay that much attention to your own children, to me.” Eliza quietly dismissed Y/N to go back home. It was only when she started back home that the words sunk in. _Had one of her political role models really done all those things?_ Philip had said he had been unfaithful to Eliza, or rather he implied it. Y/N has been an eyewitness to Eliza’s caring nature and attention she spent towards her children amongst other people. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen Alexander care for his children all that often. _How could such a smart man be so stupid?_

~~~~~

_Why did he do that?_ Philip felt as if he had just done the worst thing in the world, threw away his shot. The girl that made him so helpless now hated him. He has heard his mother describe how she fell in love, how her heart swelled with the sight of his father. This felt like so much more. His heart ached whenever she left, and he couldn’t find the words to describe how he felt around her. Everytime she glanced at him when she walked in the house became his favorite moment of the day. The look in her eyes that she got when she helped with political decisions made Philip stop in his tracks. He simply couldn’t think whenever she was around, his mind focused on her. Her. smile. Her eyes. Her face. Her hair. Her perseverance. Her ability to do the unthinkable. Her.

Eliza shot her son a knowing look, his eyes dreary and his brain far away as he watched Y/N walk in the door. He didn’t look away as she drew herself up the stairs and away from his line of sight. Coughing lightly, Eliza exited the room and began formulating her plan and going to find Alexander.

~~~~~

“I’m sorry Y/N, but it is out of town. You will just have to help Eliza today.” To say that Y/N was disappointed would sum up her mood well. Alexander was leaving town for an important meeting, leaving her in town to avoid suspicion.Trying in vain to hide her defeat, she agreed to actually learn from Eliza once again for a short while. It was truly nothing against Eliza, rather the work she would be doing. She would shadow Eliza, helping her care for the children and attending stuffy tea in the afternoons. The thought of being sent back into the women's’ world made her feel trapped. She didn’t notice Alexander set off in a carriage and kiss Eliza goodbye.

“Miss, are you okay?” Snapping out of her horror, Y/N spun around to be met with the eldest of the Hamilton siblings. His eyes were wide and so open. She glanced at the small heels she was still wearing, wanting nothing more than to throw them out the window. The young man before her looked at her curiously, a hint of worry slipping through his expression. Y/N found herself mindlessly wondering what he was thinking about, curious as to what happened when he happy. She couldn’t recall him ever being flustered, but his pinkening face told a different story.

“Oh, good! You are already here, Philip!” Both sets of young eyes shot to the opposite side of the room, the two of them quickly stepping back and out of each other’s personal space. Eliza pretended not to notice and hid her smirk behind a false sense of cluelessness. She lifted a metronome off the mantle, briskly walking over and setting it on a small table. Her next words made Philip’s heart skip a beat and Y/N’s jaw drop. “You’re going to be learning how to ballroom dance.”

Philip tripped over his words as he said “M-Mother, you already taught me to ballroom dance.” Eliza’s smile widened, unnerving the two of them. “All the better! You can help Y/N learn, and practice never hurts, dear.” She was up to something, Philip knew it. She never used the word “dear”. His thoughts were interrupted by Y/N’s attempt to get out of dancing, something about useful skills and how she would never be invited to any balls. His mother shrugged her excuse off, and Philip’s heart beat twice as fast, despite his conscious attempting to keep control. Eliza ushered the two nervous teens to the center of the room, still chattering to herself. Philip’s mind snapped back when he felt his mother guide his hand to Y/N’s. “Now, stand up straight. Good, Y/N, you are all set. Alexander’s absence gave us the perfect opportunity for this! I wouldn’t want to disturb his work with the noise. Now, Philip, don’t be shy. Put your hand on her waist.”

Y/N didn’t think that Philip could turn a deeper shade of red. It was slightly overlooked by her concern about her racing heartbeat. _No. This couldn’t be happening. Not with him. Not with Alexander Hamilton’s son. Not with the young man that tripped over his words around her. Not with the freckled man before her, the one that melted down all her worries. The one that made her suddenly feel lighter than air. The one that she lov-damnit! No! Not this, whatever it was!_

It appeared that words were not the only thing that Philip tripped over in Y/N’s presence. Eliza couldn’t stop herself from commenting on the clear love in the room. “Well, Philip, I’m glad this happened. It seems as though you are out of practice. I suppose the two of you will have to practice all week.”

Two horrified sets of eyes made their way to her, and Eliza let out a small laugh. She clapped her hands together, happy to be playing matchmaker. A synchronized pair of matching hearts began to clench, willing themselves to slow down. Neither one did, even as Y/N was dismissed to leave for the night.

~~~~~

It had now been months since the confrontation with Philip, and Alexander seemed more and more on edge every day. He had been consumed by his work, occasionally snapping at Y/N’s ideas and ignoring her political suggestions. She began speaking up more often in meetings when permitted. A few of the other politicians had begun to notice, prompting Alex to have to decline several invitations to formal parties and balls. A few even went as far as to begin befriending the newcomer, inviting him for drinks or to dinner at their homes. Y/N, constantly having to worry about lowering her voice, politely declined. One man, in particular, wished to introduce him to his daughter, needless to say, Y/N excused herself quickly and avoided the man for the rest of the day, making the excuse that Alex was already courting someone.

It was a few days later when Alexander finally snapped at his home. Y/N was trying to get him to stop working, a little voice in her mind reminding her of Eliza and the children. Philip’s words had yet to cease rattling inside her brain, a constant form of torture. Y/N knew that a duel had been set between Philip and a young man by the name of George I. Eacker. Philip’s friend, Richard Price had already survived his duel, neither man hurt. Alexander knew that his son was in danger, yet here he sat, buried under quill and ink while his son was in New Jersey behind a pistol.

Y/N slammed her palm down on the desk, capturing the angry attention of the man currently sitting at it. “Mister Hamilton, I don’t know what has gotten into you, nor do I care. Your son is out in New Jersey, waiting to shoot for your honor. Not only that but your daughter is having a nervous breakdown and your wife is beside herself. Teaching your child honor is one thing, but showing them how to be blind to their emotions is another. Like it or not, he is your son. And like it or not, you need to stop that damn duel before I do.” Her gaze was pure iron, eyes never wavering from the man she once looked up to. He had lost that right.

His voice seemed to be a bit more shaky, clearly unhappy with her choice of words. “Of course I care for him. He is my flesh and blood, my son. He has to stand up for himself, I cannot do that for him. It is a thing of honor. I am needed here, working.” There was a strong bite in her voice as Y/N practically shouted across the desk, “Being a father is not about flesh and blood, Mister Hamilton. It is about heart. It is about caring and being there. You do not love your son because he is your son, but because he has grown to be a brave young man that you should be proud of. Because he stands up for his beliefs. Because he is more of a caring person than I believe you are capable of being. Because he deserves your love and attention, and you find your name of greater importance. If you don’t what does that say to him? Alexander Hamilton, if you cannot find it in you to stop your son from dueling for your honor, then what kind of father are you?”

~~~~~

She managed to convince Alexander to take a carriage to stop the duel, Eliza accompanying him and a kind neighbor watching the children. It wouldn’t be fast enough to stop the duel, and Y/N knew it. She ran to her good friend Lexi’s house, out of breath after the sprint. Lexi gave her a glass of water, which Y/N gulped down before explaining that she needed to urgently borrow a horse. Lexi frantically got a saddle, placing it on her fastest horse and giving Y/N quick instructions on how to get to Weehawken in the fastest way possible.

She rode through the darkening terrain, keeping her horse steady until she reached the duel. When the horse finally galloped up to the two men, Y/N wore a look of determination. She leapt off the horse and stumbled a bit before taking off towards the two men. A loud voice rang through the tense atmosphere “Five” _Shit! The duel had already started, it was too late to talk Philip out of this._ Panicking, she tied the horse’s reins to a nearby tree, racing to get closer to the duel. “Six” _Something was wrong._ George Eacker was far too fidgety, even for a man in a duel. Frantically, Y/N picked up a rather heavy rock that was sticking out of the dirt and smaller stones. “Seven” _No!_ Eacker was spinning around. Reacting on instinct, Y/N hurled the rock at him, striking his shoulder. Eacker swore, dropping the gun and clutching the fresh gash in his shoulder. The counting stopped and Philip turned around, confused at the cursing. The color drained from his face as he saw Y/N sprinting towards him. “Hey! What the fuck are you doing?” A look of rage and aggression was present on Y/N’s face as she turned to Eacker. “You! You were going to shoot early!”

His face went from red to pale. “No, I was not! You hit me in the shoulder!” His voice betrayed him as it began to sound less and less confident with every word. Philip looked at the man questioningly, trying to assess the situation. “Why did the rock hit your left shoulder? If you had been turned around, it would have hit your right shoulder, Y/N was standing over there.” Eacker stammered a bit before he took a look at the anger seething on Y/N’s face and ran.

Philip started after him before Y/N grabbed his arm, signaling that it wasn’t worth it. He turned to face her, a look of confusion etched in his eyes. She took both of his hands and inhaled deeply. “Philip, I wasn’t going to let you risk your life because of a dumb man that was a coward in the end.” Her response to his unspoken question was met with silence. “Do you always meet answers with silence, or is it just for me?” He blinked, eyes staring into hers as if decoding a puzzle. Suddenly, he moved his arms from her hands to her elbows, pulling her forward and pressing his lips to hers.

After a few moments, he frantically pushed back, bright red and stuttering. It was Y/N’s turned to be stunned silent. “I-I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me and I just couldn’t help it. You just- ugh I don’t know! I can’t describe you! Everything about you draws me in and I can’t escape it. I can always find the words to write something until I try to describe you. Every time I try my words fail me! It’s so frustrating. You are like the most wonderful mystery that I don’t want to solve. You are intoxicating and I can’t help being caught in your flame. I guess I should’ve done this a long time ago, so I hope with all of me that this isn’t too late. Y/N, please allow me to court you.” Y/N could only manage a nod, her brain still processing all that had happened.

“Finally!” The two turned to find the carriage and Eliza beaming up at them. Alexander looked smug, sending his son a look of pride. Finally, Y/N managed a small “I knew they wouldn’t make it here in time.”


End file.
